Black Friday
The last two or three Black Fridays my sister and I and a friend of hers have been crazy enough to shop the busiest shopping day of the year. We’ve made a habit of meeting at Walmart at 4 a.m., ready for their 5 a.m. opening, and then heading to Target just before they opened at 6. One year they got my Walmart list while I waited outside Circuit City for an hour, in freezing temperatures, to get $3.99 Wii accessories for my nephews. Another year I had a mild asthma attack in Target, I think due to a confluence of events — extreme temperatures (waiting in freezing cold then getting too hot inside) the bustle of shopping carts and frenzied shoppers and the adrenaline of the hunt.
This year we upped the ante. Big time. While sitting at my mom’s, post-dinner, my sister and I poured over the sale ads making our lists and calling out deals. Hubby comes to us from the back room where he and my nephews are watching TV and tells us Toys R Us is opening at midnight. My sister and I both look at each other with a look of intrigue, each with one raised brow thinking, “Should we? Could we? How cool would that be?” My sister says she wished she’d known sooner so we could have made plans with our other shopping friend — to which I say, “Plan it up! Let’s Go!”
And that was all it took. I went to bed at 10 p.m. I woke up and hour and a half later, layered a sweatshirt and sweat pants on top of workout pants and a t-shirt, grabbed gloves and a big coat, a thermos for hot chocolate, my list and my stack of ads, and I was off.
Toys R Us turned out to be too much to even try it. The line nearly circled the building and then back tracked on itself. Then we found out they were only letting in 50 shoppers at a time. And then there was a seperate line if you wanted to go into electronics. We gave up before we ever got out of cars. We drove across the street to Krispy Kreme and bought donuts instead.
Old Navy was opening at 3 with $5 fleece and $10 jeans so that was our next stop. We made it there at 1 a.m. and 15 or so people were already line. We ducked into Gap for a bit (no good deals there), and at 1:30 was in line at Old Navy. When they opened, we made a beeline for the fleece (I got one for each of the boys), got a pair jeans each for the boys, and by 3:30 had checked out and was on our way to Target
Target opened an hour earlier this year, at 5 instead of 6. The major motivator to be there even earlier was a free Marcel Wanders reusable shopping bag to the first 500 shoppers.
I got one! The Marcel Wanders reusable shopping bag!!
There were no pushing or shoving or trampling like you hear about sometimes. There were very eager shoppers who were also polite when they’re eagerness caused them to bump into you or knock their cart into yours.
Working my way to the toy department at Target
A few ladies annoyed me in the middle of the main aisle to toys — they wer standing around talking about what they came for, who they were going to give it to, what a great deal it was, etc. when there’s a long line of us trying to get around them. One lady whom I stood beside in a traffic jam in electronics commented on how she had never been out on Black Friday before and now she understood why.
I certainly saved some money by being there when stores opened, but for us I think it’s less about the deal itself and more about finding the deal, the thrill of the hunt, the thrill of paying half price all the while knowing others are going to pay more. And sharing the hunt and the deals with my sister and our friend, and this year another friend and a friend of hers, adds to the fun.
I hear people say year after year that they can’t understand what would make people get out so early, in the cold — no cost savings could be worth that. And they may be right. But hanging out with the girls, laughing your head off and proudly showcasing your finds, is.
The Rain
“Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It’s never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times.”
The Back-story
Finn was 13 months old. He was having a minor day surgery. The nurse took his temperature, asked his height and weight and took his blood pressure. The alarm on the blood pressure machine kept sirening. The nurse reached over and turned off the alarm with some sort of “I hate that thing” comment. I don’t remember the numbers on the machine — at that point I didn’t know to pay attention or even what numbers were good or bad.
A few hours later they take him back for surgery and the surgeon tells me he’ll see us in the recovery room in a few minutes. The surgery was going to be simple and quick. 15 minutes. 20 minutes. 25 minutes. The anaesthesiologist comes to where we’re waiting. He says Finn is fine, the surgery is going fine, but there is a problem with Finn’s blood pressure. I don’t understand but he’s still talking to me. I’m listening to him and answering his questions and trying to make sense of this all at the same time.
He says Finn’s blood pressure was high before they put him under sedation but they thought it might be anxiety about the surgery. They expected the blood pressure would go down once he was sedated. But it went up. The numbers that stick out in my head were 215/185. Normal for an adult is around 125/75. Normal for an infant is even lower. The anaesthesiologist could tell I wasn’t fully grasping what these numbers meant. “That is the blood pressure of an adult having a heart attack,” he said.
He left to go back to Finn. My family and I were speechless and confused. We prayed. The dr. was gone just a minute or two, and then he came to get me. Finn was awake and crying and the dr. wanted me to help calm him down. They were injecting medicine in his IV to bring the blood pressure down but it wasn’t coming down a whole lot. He was getting the injection every five minutes. I held him and rocked him and shushed him and spoke softly to him trying to help him relax.
Some amount of time passed and the blood pressure was low enough to move him out of recovery. We were moved to pediatric intensive care. The next 24 hours are kind of a blur. They kept pushing medicines, they did ultrasounds of his abdomen, there was little discussion of what the problem was or how to fix it.
The next morning they loaded us up on an ambulance and took us to Vanderbilt Children’s Hospital in Nashville, Tennessee. We spent nearly a week at Vanderbilt. They did a CT scan with contrast running through Finn’s veins and found the problem — a pinched or narrow artery. The artery was the renal artery to his right kidney (renal means kidney). The artery was too narrow to carry the required amount of blood to the kidney so it signaled his heart to send more. The heart sent more, causing all the other organs to get too much. The official diagnosis was hypertension due to renal artery stenosis to the right kidney.
Options
At the time, we didn’t have many options. In adults, arteries like this are fixed by putting in a stint to hold the artery open. They didn’t make a stint small enough for a one-year-old. Another option in adults is removing the narrow section and piecing together the two ends. But Finn’s narrow section was long enough that removing it wouldn’t leave enough end pieces to pull together without resulting in a still-narrow artery.
Either surgery was not a viable option. We couldn’t fix it, but his blood pressure could not be allowed to be that high. So instead of fixing the problem we had to fix the symptom. Basically, Finn would take medicine to control his blood pressure until he was big enough for surgery — if surgery would even fix it. The downside to treating with medicine was the right kidney may not get enough blood, may not grow at the same rate as the left kidney, may not grow at all or may lose function. Another “option” was he could outgrow this condition, but in the meantime the blood pressure needed to be controlled medically.
For the next year we commuted to Vanderbilt every other month to check his blood pressure and adjust his medicines accordingly until the dr. got it just right. He was on two medicines, twice a day. The medicines were not manufactured for children so they had to be compounded into liquids.
The dr. thought the artery might be operable when Finn was 3 or 4 years old. When he was 3 1/2 they did another CT scan of his kidneys and the artery was still too narrow for surgery. However the right kidney was only slightly smaller than the left, so that was a good sign that the kidney was growing and functioning. We kept taking meds and had checkups at Vandy every six months.
Present-day
They did another CT scan earlier this year — at 5 1/2 — and things had changed. The artery wasn’t too narrow. Still a little narrow, perhaps, but not narrow enough for the radiologist to call it a stenosis. Around the same time Finn was dealing with all these migraine headaches and one of the suggestions from our pediatrician was seeing if the blood pressure medicines were contributing to that.
So our Vandy dr. started decreasing medicines, and the last two months we’ve been cutting doses in half and then doing away with doses alltogether, and this past week we went for a checkup. He’s been taking only a small amount of medicine once a day the last few weeks and his blood pressure checked out fine. So the dr. said to stop that last little bit and take nothing at all. Really?!?
For five years we’ve taken two medicines, twice a day, and in a matter of months we’ve shed off all of that and his blood pressure is fine all by itself. Amazing!
I’ve been in a little shock and disbelief ever since. Not a pessimistic disbelief, just full of wonder and amazement at what has transpired. I still can’t put the right words to it. I can’t say for certain that this is behind us because we’re still testing it out. We go back in two months and see how he’s doing. We’ll do periodic blood pressure measurements over the next year just to make sure it doesn’t creep back up. And we’ll scan the kidneys again in a year and see what the artery looks like. But it’s quite possible that Finn is healed.
Healing
Healing doesn’t have to come immediately or when we think it’s needed or at an illness’ onset or even at it’s worst. Healing can come over the course of a few years as the miraculous body God made grows and develops and works itself out. I believe God could have touched this artery and fixed it — we prayed that this entire time — and that may very well be what He did. But I also believe that he created our complex bodies and it’s possible that his marvelous creation healed itself over the years just by doing what God made it do. And if that’s the case — that all Finn’s body needed was a little time to work this out — then how thankful I am that God made a way through modern medicine to keep his body healthy until it was ready to heal, or until He healed him.
Now if over the course of the year things aren’t as they seem and we end up back on medicine or whatever else may happen, none of that will make anything I’ve said here not true. It just means God’s working again and there will be something great come out of that work too.
The morning after hearing this news I was listening to some great praise music on the way to work and I couldn’t hold back the tears. The song was Mercy Me “Bring the Rain,” and I was crying over how unworthy I am to receive this blessing of healing in my son.
This whole time, instead of asking “why me” in the traditional sense of why is this bad thing happening to me, I’ve aked “why me,” meaning what do You want me to do with this, how are You wanting to use this. And this past week I was asking “why me,” why is this great thing happening to me because I am so unworthy. And while I don’t have all the answers, the answer to all three of the “why me” questions is love. Because He loves me, I go through trials. Because He loves me, He will use this for His glory. And because He loves me, he pours out blessings that we don’t deserve. Because He loves me, He brings the rain.
NASAversary
Three years ago today I started my NASA career. I’ve never been in one place this long so this is the first time I have been able to sit at a job and reflect back three years on all that has transpired.
Professionally, man have I got to do some cool things! Most days I sit in my cube and I write, and I read, I interview people, and then I write some more. But these past three years have been jam-packed with coolness! I’ve interviewed a half a dozen or so astronauts either in person or on the phone and met quite a few others. I’ve been to NASA’s Johnson Space Center three times. I’ve had insider tours of the places where astronauts train for missions. I’ve been to Mission Control! I’ve been to NASA’s Ames Research Center in California where I saw (and walked through) wind tunnels. I went to Space Camp. I’ve been weightless!!
Personally, I’m part of a family here. I’ve made good friends here. I’ve made life-long friends here.
Who knew that this would work out as well as it has. I’m blessed and grateful and proud to be here.
Me with Astronaut Alvin Drew
Me as PLT (NASA-speak for pilot) at Space Camp
Me -- Weightless!!
Also, I think it’s cool that my sister works for NASA too, so a cool NASA photo of her too!
Out of Context
I pulled Wednesday’s mail out of the mailbox Thursday morning on my way to work, and upon seeing the Newsweek cover of Sarah Palin I shook my head. What part of journalism ethics did they miss?
Palin posed for that photo for Runner’s World, a fitness magazine, for an article about running, and under the pretense that the photo was going to be used in that context. What Newsweek did was take a good, harmless, appropriate photo out of context.
Newsweek’s cover headline “How do you solve a problem like Sarah” paired with that photo misrepresents Palin. The fact that she wore running shorts and other workout attire for an article about fitness has nothing to do with whether or not she is a problem for the GOP. The two are totally separate things. Now sure, once you choose to be in the public’s eye any photo of you can be used for any purpose. However, that’s stooping to the level of the supermarket tabloids not reporting news. I expect a publication with the word “news” in their title to be more responsible than that.
In a Yahoo news article about the cover, Newsweek defended the photo saying, “We chose the most interesting image available to us to illustrate the theme of the cover” and that their test for using images is “does the image convey what we are saying?” Well, that gets to the heart of the matter. It seems to me that if that image illustrates their theme then their theme must have been to make Sarah Palin look ridiculous which is irresponsible journalism. That is not their job. A news magazine’s job is to do in-depth coverage of items in the news, not to make the news into something it is not. That photo alone does not make Palin look ridiculous. That photo in Runners World does not make Palin look ridiculous. That photo on the cover of a news magazine with a headline about her role in politics does, and that is not their call to make.
She does not go to work dressed like that. She does not stand in her office in a beauty queen pose. But yet their use of that photo in this way implies that and does not tell the truth.
On top of all that, Newsweek didn’t have permission to use the photo. According to Runner’s World,
“The photos from that shoot are still under a one-year embargo, and Runner’s World did not provide Newsweek with its cover image. It was provided to Newsweek by the photographer’s stock agency, without Runner’s World’s knowledge or permission.”
And on top of even that, the cover article with it’s “Republicans’ worst nightmare” teaser doesn’t even talk all that much about Palin. It has more to say about Obama’s inability to bring the two parties together and actually get anything done and how that may be the Democrats‘ worst nightmare come 2012.
Spiritual Warfare
Our pastor is currently doing a sermon series on spiritual warfare, and it’s great! Spiritual warfare is one area of my faith that I am extremely interested in. When I was 15 years old my dad (who is a pastor) was voted out of the church we had been at for eight years, and there was a lot of spiritual warfare kind of stuff going on then. I couldn’t really comprehend it at the time because I was a young teenager, but it started to make better sense when I read Frank Peretti’s This Present Darkness a year or so later.
Bro. Steve is approaching the series as if folks are unaware of spiritual warfare, and I think that’s a good way to go about it. Because yeah, most of us are probably stupidly unaware of the battle Satan and his demons fight to lead us astray. Yet even for those of us who are aware, the messages have had some good “meat,” if you know what I mean.
This past Sunday, the core of the lesson was out of Job, because Job is everybody’s go-to guy when you want to talk about why bad things happen to good people. Specifically, the Scripture used was Job 1:6-12. You can listen to the sermon on our church Web site, so I’m not going to recount all of it here. However, there were a few things that jumped out at me.
First Bro. Steve posed several questions about whether we think God is on the offense or the defense when it comes to battling Satan. Often we probably think He’s on the defense, He’s on our side, right? Because why would He be sided with Satan against us? He’s not. However, it was at God’s suggestion that Satan messed with Job. In 1:8 it says “Then the LORD said to Satan, ‘Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil.’” Does that mean that God caused the bad things that happened to Job? No. But he did allow it and even suggested it.
So why would God do that? Why would He suggest to Satan that he cause trouble in Job’s life? I don’t really know. But based on what God says in that verse, one possibility is that he had confidence Job could take it. A strange analogy perhaps, but it’s kinda like the game-changing play in the Colts/Patriots game this past Sunday. If you didn’t see it or hear about it, Patriots coach Bill Belichick decided to go for it on fourth-and-2 from his own 28 with 2:08 to go. (If you’re not a football person and that’s Greek to you, keep reading, I think you can get my point regardless.) The alternative was to punt it to the Colts, which meant the Colts had a full two minutes to drive it back down and score — a very real possibility that the Colts are known for doing. So Belichick made the call to go for the two yards. They didn’t make it, the Colts got the ball, scored and won. Poor Belichick is getting a lot of grief for that call, but after the game defended his call, saying, ““I thought we could have gotten that yard. We just placed our trust in our team.” I think God’s approach to Job was the same way — he had confidence Job could weather whatever Satan would bring.
It’s also important to note that God did not give Satan free reign over Job. In 1:12 God tells Satan “everything he has is in your hands, but on the man himself do not lay a finger.” Satan could not get to Job unless God allowed it. In 1:10 Satan says, “Have you not put a hedge around him (Job) and his household and everything he has?” Nothing could touch Job that God didn’t allow. Satan does not have free reign over us. In the New Testament it says “the demons begged Jesus to let them go” (Luke 8:32) and “Satan asked to sift you as wheat” (Luke 22:31).
So then if God allows it then he must have a purpose in it, right. But how often do we respond that way, as if there is a purpose in our trials. A lot of times we get on the defensive too quick and the “woe is me” and the “why me” starts up. Bro. Steve painted two pictures of response — one where we pray “take it away” and by doing that we are acknowledging that Satan has omniscience, omnipotence, (which he doesn’t) — and one where we pray “what are You trying to teach me” which gives the omniscience and omnipotence to God (where it rightly belongs).
For myself, I’m somewhere in the middle. When faced with trials I don’t fully fall into “why me” and “take it away” area. My typical response is closer to the other, knowing that there is some purpose in whatever trials I face. But I don’t know that I fully embrace and seek out meaning in trials either. My whole life I have taken the view that all I have to do is stand, weather, resist, make it to the other side, etc. But after hearing this sermon this weekend I’m pondering whether that’s enough. Instead of weathering a storm should I embrace it?
Pastor ended with some “what do you do advice.” (I’ve written it here as a conversation with God on purpose because it’s most meaningful to me that way.) First, take my eyes off myself and focus on You and what You’re wanting to do. Second, no matter how tough or bad trials get, never, ever question how much You love me. Third, ask You to teach me. And lastly, imbed myself in worship. After everything was taken away from Job he fell to the ground in worship (1:20).
Wow. I’ll admit, I’m not there yet. I don’t write these things to say here is testimony of what I do and what you should do because it’s worked out so well for me, blah blah blah. Not. At. All. But rather to share a Word that has impacted me and humbled me and inspired me to want to do better, with hope it might do the same for someone else.
Target on iPhone
I’m a little shocked I haven’t written about this sooner. I mean, really, how often does the two loves in one’s life come together in perfect harmony? Well, actually I did write about it when I first got the Target iPhone app last December. But the app has changed quite a bit since then.
For starters, last year it was primarily a giftfinder for Christmas presents. Since then the app has expanded quite a bit.
It’s not just a Christmas app anymore. On the main menu choose between shopping the weekly ad or shopping Christmas stuff.
Select Browse on the bottom menu to, um, browse target.com by category. Just select the category you want and the list is populated by what’s on sale that week.
Last year’s Gift Finder was fun — it was a cute little snow globe that you shook and snow fell everywhere, very festive. The new gift finder is not as fun, but it is just as useful and possibly better. Choose him or her, age range, price range and a personality type. You’ll see that I’m shopping for 4-5-year-old Busy Boy. (Wonder who that could be???)
The gift finder is not just for Christmas but has suggestions for all kinds of random things — birthdays, housewarming, retirement, get well, and so on.
So what exactly do you get as an “I’m Sorry” gift in the $15-$25 price range?
By the way, this app is free. One of my pet peeves is when people gush on their blog about great iPhone apps and then they don’t tell me how much?!?
Who Is God
An area of my faith that has piqued my interest lately is how we relate to God, that is who God is to us. The Bible describes so many different roles of God — off the top of my head Father, Savior, Redeemer, Friend, Lord, Comforter, Judge. Even “God” is a sort of “role.”
A friend and I had a conversation recently about the way we relate to God having to do with the way we see Him. If we see Him as a Father, then we function as a child. If we see Him as a Savior then we function as one who has been saved, eternally grateful and thankful. On the other hand, if one feels God has abandoned them or has caused/allowed bad things to happen, then they may respond accordingly with anger, resistance, etc. Regardless of who God really is, our relationship is all about how we see Him.
There are so many different possibilities for how people see, or experience, God. I’m not sure I could name or am even aware of all the ways I, myself, experience Him. I’d love to discover new ways of knowing Him that I’ve never thought of or experienced. I’d also like to make sense of why I view Him the way I do.
In a book I read some time ago, one of the chapters details six different progressive relationships we have with God. (The book credited these ideas to life coach Jack Hill.)
Potter/Clay Relationship: “As a piece of clay we can allow ourselves to be molded and become a product of the Potter who cares for us, but we cannot express our love back to Him. We can’t experience any deep sense of intimacy if we remain in this level of relationship. Why? Because a lump of clay’s value is based on how it can be used. When we comply and feel God using us, we feel good about ourselves. When we mess up or don’t have a clear sense of purpose, we feel guilty and distant from God. … [I]t is important for us to submit to God and allow Him to shape our lives into something that brings Him honor. However, He doesn’t want our relationship to stagnate there.”
Shepherd/Sheep Relationship: “[T]his metaphor illustrates how well God takes care of His people, just as a shepherd carefully tends his flock. … Although sheep know the shepherd’s voice and will follow him, they have no idea what the heart of the shepherd feels for them. Sheep are unable to share the shepherd’s dreams and hopes.”
Master/Servant Relationship: “While sheep stay outside, servants at least live in the same household as the master and can talk with him, as long as it is business. … However servants know little of what is happening with the master other than what they are directly involved with.”
Friend/Friend Relationship: “A servant’s relationship with his master is based on business and performance, while love and mutual concern is the basis for a friend’s relationship with another friend. … ‘I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you’ (John 15:15). Jesus is saying, “I value you, not just because of how you serve me but because you share my heart.” A friend’s value lies not so much in what he/she does, but in who he/she is as a personal confidant. God wants to be our friend, and He wants us to be His friend.”
Father/Child Relationship: “As we realize and accept the truth that we are not just God’s lump of clay, sheep, servant, or even friend, but also God’s very own child … [w]e can be freed from the burden of trying to perform or produce for Him when we understand that He loves us not for what we do, but because of who we are.”
Groom/Bride Relationship: “God desires a level of relationship with us such that we are deeply in love with Him, that we delight to simply be in His presence, that we know Him personally both publicly and privately, and that our focus and priorities become aligned with His desires.”
Even before having read these descriptions I knew that one of the ways I related to God was as a Father. And I often feel like clay, being made into something that only He knows. Occasionally I feel as close as a servant or friend but that kind of comes and goes, depending on me of course. God is constant in these relationships. We are the ones who come in and out.
At certain times he’s been my groom, but honestly that’s probably the hardest area for me to stay, not because I don’t love Him but because of the last part — “focus on priorities.” Too often my focus and priorities are determined by me and my busy life.
A favorite song and a favorite sermon offer up even more possibilities of who God is.
Musings on Twilight
What is it about Twilight that is so luring? I hoped by reading the books I could find the answer, and I was right. I could. I did. Maybe. At least I think so.
One theory is the ability for readers to relate to the characters, not because they’re vampires or werewolves or in love with vampires and/or werewolves but because the feelings are extremely sincere even if the circumstances are vastly different than real life. I’ve never loved a vampire, but yeah, I’ve loved someone I wasn’t supposed to. I’ve never been a vampire, but I’ve been tempted by someone that I couldn’t resist. I’ve never been a werewolf but I’ve loved someone who didn’t love me back. And so on. At any given time while reading any of the four books I could relate to one or more characters. I’ve never read a book in which I could identify with all of the main characters at different times throughout the story. And I’ve never read a book where I related the characters as completely as I related to the characters in Twilight.
Another theory is that we love stories of forbidden love. Romeo & Juliet the first forbidden love story has somehow become the epitome of love stories. Why is that? Why is forbidden love so romantic? I don’t really know, but one guess is it’s real. I think more of us more often experience more episodes in life of “forbidden love” than we do the opposite of that. We all, at some point or another, experience heartbreak of not being able to be with the one we love. So what Twilight does is show us what things look like when forbidden love continues on in spite of itself. I described it to a friend like this: it’s Romeo & Juliet if they hadn’t died. It’s a glimpse into what it looks like to not allow the circumstances that should prevent two people from being together to succeed.
Finally, Twilight sucks us in (haha, get it Twilight sucks, lol) because we want to experience the experiences in the book. We want to have someone love us as much as Edward loved Bella, someone willing to sacrifice their own happiness for us. We want someone to love us as much as Jacob loved Bella that they would stand by and watch us love someone else, all the while craving us for theirself. Heck, we want to be Bella who gets the best of both worlds — she gets to have her vampire boyfriend and her werewolf bestfriend too!
I won’t swear that this is all there is to it. There could be other elements that I’m overlooking altogether. Maybe people just dig vampires. I dunno. But best I can tell, we love Twilight because we wish it could happen to us.
