I got sucked into watching some a lot of the Casey Anthony trial this week, and on one of the days there was testimony by grief expert Dr. Sally Karioth.
She was testifying on what kinds behaviors are “normal” grieving behaviors and which ones are abnormal, although I think Dr. Karioth classified them as healthy grief vs. unhealthy grief.
She commented that young adults are reluctant grievers, and I found that comment intriguing. I’ve had a lot of anxiety about the upcoming one year anniversary of my husband’s death. I’ve been told by those around me that they didn’t see me take the time to grieve and they think that’s part of what’s going on with me now, is that not having done that is catching up to me.
Everyone grieves in their own way, right? That’s the first thing any book or counselor will tell you about grief. There are stages of grief, and they often go in the same order, but it depends on the situation and the individual. So there’s no wrong way to grieve, or process loss.
I’m uncertain if I’ve really grieved all I need to or not. I suppose, in a way, I will never stop grieving completely. Like all the books say, at special times like graduations and weddings and other major life events in my sons’ lives I will experience sadness that their dad is not there to share that with them. But at some point it will not be the overwhelming, daily presence kind of grief.
I think I kinda sped straight through to acceptance because life was going on whether I wanted it to or not. I have two sons to raise and be there for. I had a job to go back to. When the going gets tough, the tough get going, and I’m not sure — in fact I know I didn’t — really take the time to process the loss. The anniversary — and having my days free — has brought it back around and I’m trying to work through it now.
Another thing counselors and books tell you about grieving is everyone deals with it in their own time.
Now is my time.