Realizations of Widowhood


  • Last year, a few months after John died, I saw in the paper a couple celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. I was just a teenager when my grandparents’ celebrated their Golden Anniversary, and my parent’s 50th is not too far away. I’ll most likely not have a 50th wedding anniversary even if I were to marry again right now.
  • In the movie Crazy Stupid Love, the young man is talking with the girl he’s dating about his family. She asks about his mom, and he tells her a few facts about his mother. She asks about his dad, and he replies that his dad died when he was just a kid. My boys will have do that someday — tell a girl they’re dating that their dad died when they were young, and of course the natural next question is, “What happened?” and they’ll have to explain that too.
  • Very soon after John’s death I was aware that he’d miss the key moments in the boys’ lives, — graduations, weddings, births of children, etc. But just in the last few months I had the thought about smaller “big” events, that not only will their dad miss but that I’ll have to do (or figure out how to do). Things like teaching the boys how to drive. Although, I was the better driver between the two of us so I may have been doing that anyway. But what about things like shaving and tying a tie and other boy/man stuff?
  • One of the most difficult things right now is when we’re out, all of three of us, and I need to go to the restroom. They’re both too old to go in with me so I have no choice but to leave them outside the restroom door while I hurriedly take care of my business. I don’t like leaving them unattended, even for just a few minutes, but sometimes I have no choice. That’s one that will get better as they get older and are more responsible when left alone, but for now it’s occasionally an issue.
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